Control Can Become...

I was reading a handout from UnitedHealth that discusses different issues within relationships. It's meant as a general guide to "when to seek professional help". When I read the domestic violence portion, I had to stop and do a double-take because one of my very very good friends is currently going through much of this situation. It's something I have been worried about for a while because the significant other is SUCH a controlling personality and my friend is still in the phase of not wanting the relationship to fail. However, I very much hope my friend reads this post and does some thinking about the dangers of being in relationship under these circumstances. Only because I love you, Hon, and I've been in the same boat.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Your partner:

• Checks up on you a lot, for example, by listening in on phone calls, constantly asking about whereabouts, calling you at work all day, or checking your car mileage
• Puts you down, for example, by name-calling, constant criticism, public or private humiliation, or making you feel crazy
• Tries to control you, for example, by telling you not to see certain friends or family members, keeping you away from school or work, making you stay home when you want to go out
• Acts jealous or possessive and says it’s a sign of love
• Destroys or threatens to destroy your belongings
• Threatens to hurt you, friends, children, family members, or pets
• Threatens to take your children away from you
• Touches you in ways that hurt or scare you
• Makes you have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable
• Blames you and other people for everything, and gets angry in a way that scares you or observers
• Says that your concerns about the relationship are not real or not important

THUNK

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks that the one constant in all my unsatisfying and disappointing interpersonal relationships is ME.

Ow.

Planning

Sweetie, when you grow up are you going to get married?

No. I don’t think so.

Why not? You don’t want to get married to a nice girl and maybe have your own kids?

No, there’s not anybody I can get married to.

So you want to live with Mommy forever?

Yes! Live with Mommy forever!

You will probably change your mind about that when you get older. What do you mean there is nobody you can marry?

Well I can’t marry Moe because she doesn’t ever wear a skirt or a dress so she can’t get married cause you have to wear a dress.

Well, you can’t marry Moe because she’s your sister….

…(as if I hadn’t spoken) and I can’t marry Poo because I don’t want to…

… and she’s also your sister…

… and I cant marry Daddy because he’s too old.

Well okay then, honey… (bemused)

Today's Moment of Zen

I don't usually add anything to Moments of Zen, as the idea behind them is that the picture speaks for itself and is interpreted differently by different people. However, this particular one came in an email from my cousin and the text is one of those cute things that is a bit cheesy but touching nonetheless. I try to live this way and OFTEN need to be reminded of it.

Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Life is short. Break the rules; Forgive quickly; Kiss slowly; Love truly; Laugh uncontrollably... And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

From the Mouths of Babes

Poo: Daddy, I know the answer to the question!

Daddy: You do?

Poo: Yes!

Daddy: You know the answer to THE question?

Poo: Yes!

Daddy: The Ultimate Question?

Poo: Yes, Daddy!

Daddy: The meaning of life, the universe and everything?

Poo: YES!

Daddy: Well what is it?

Poo: Love!

Daddy: Well, I guess you do...

Just Asking

Would it matter if I said I miss you so much it’s like having a constant stomachache?

Do you want to hear me say that being without you means I am less than complete?

If I told you I would do anything for the feel of your arms around me, would you do it?

Would telling you that the sound of your voice in my ear makes me the happiest I’ve ever been make a difference?

If I tell you that the scraps you throw me are not enough but better than anything else on earth, would you give me more?

Do you want me to tell you that the smell of you, your eyes, your hair, and the feel of your skin are as close to heaven as I’ll get on earth?

Do you want to hear that you are the closest to happiness I’ll get in this life?

If I extend the invitation, will you accept it?

I didn’t think so.