Coffee Talk

"WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING NARCISSISTS?????" I scream as I shake my fist in anger at The Universe.

"Well, Lisa," The Universe takes a deep breath, like preparing to speak to a child. I scowl and stick out my tongue. "I'll tell you why. You continue to refuse to even TALK to men that aren't 'remarkable', in your words, which not only severely limits your choices (sorry, that's a design flaw in the male, I have my best working on it) but the type of 'remarkable' you seem to be attracted to isn't possible without a touch of narcissism."

"Whaaaaat? That's not a real answer."

"That's a very good answer."

"But I knew that answer. You're The Universe. I thought you'd have deeper insight."

"Why?"

Mostly because all of this is your fault in the first place, I think but out loud I say, "I want to learn the lesson you're teaching me but I don't know what it is. I'm having a hard time not feeling victimized."

"Let's not forget that Narcissus was loved by others as well as himself."

"But he hated and disdained those that loved him, and.... oh. Right. Narcissus was Narcissus long before my problems became my problems. I hear you. But are you saying I should change the type of person I'm attracted to? That seems not very much like 'living your authentic self'."

"Roses are beautiful. The most pure breeds with the largest blooms have the sharpest thorns. Everyone knows they have thorns. Either you wear gloves, you breed out the thorns, resulting in less sensational blooms, or you don't touch the roses. There's always choices."

"Did you change the subject?" My face is going to get stuck in this scowl.

"Don't be disingenuous, Lisa."

"I don't need to. You already think I'm dumber than I am. And that seems really unfair because I do accept people the way they come. I consciously do everything correctly and you still stomp on me."

"I can't stomp, I don't have feet. Nobody's arms and legs are on strings. Everybody makes their own choices. That includes the other person in a relationship. They have their own choices to make and they make them for themselves and it affects others. But you should still live your life being honest and loving because you believe that's the correct way to live, not because you think you'll be rewarded, or punished if you don't."

"But its so unfair and it hurts. I tried so hard and worked so hard and... why do I have to be the one to get hurt?"

"It hurt when you gave birth, didn't it? You seem to be fond of the kids."

"Oh shut up. Just shut up. I'm exiting this conversation. You're the most unhelpful personification of The Universe ever."

"All right, honey. Love you."

"Shut up."