Saturday, March 24, 2007

BFF

L: (excited) I just had to tell you that I now fit into Moe's jeans!!

D: (rude hand gesture)

L: (wryly) Thank you for your love and support.

D: Anytime, Poppet!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

There is No Such Thing

As a comfortable bra.

Nuff said.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

On A Clear Night

It's an exceptionally clear night tonight in the Mile High City, and not as cold as its been... it's about 40 degrees right now so I took this opportunity to take my Tuesday night Vodka Tonic up on the roof with my laptop to post. Being as clear as it is, I can see the stars - a sight that always makes me feel foolish for feeling as maudlin as I do because, sheesh, there is a lot more to the universe than just my little world, after all.

I can see the little dipper, its right above me and to the right. Cool. Ursa Minor, or the little bear. My little bear, my second daughter and middle child is going to be six tomorrow, which means that we have been living in this house for six years and three months. It also means I will be 33 in about six weeks time.

I look back at the time when we were moving into the house and wow, were we excited and happy and full of dreams with the prospect of a new curtain climber on the way and a new house and all the years we had ahead of us of Christmases and birthdays and puppies and more kids and years and years of laughter and good times. Not that a lot of good times haven't materialized; on the contrary - there have been friends and family and laughs and many beers and bottles of wine and vodka and whiskey and card games and the like in this house. Its just that I have lately been spending a lot of time thinking about how the only constant in life is change.

Let's talk about the Tuesday night Vodka Tonic... Tuesday nights the Warden goes to play poker at a bar down the street from the house. This is okay, except that we used to go together. It's partially my fault, though... the reason I no longer go with him is because I've lately been attending a happy hour on Thursdays with some people from work. And that has been a lot of fun for me because I spend so much time at the house, working or not that it's really something to look forward to - talking with other grownups, and after all, I can talk to the Warden any old time.

I don't know what my problem is. I am never happy unless there is a TON of excitement going on in my life. For a while that excitement consisted of the kids, but let's face it, I AM NOT SUZY HOMEMAKER. Not that I'm not crazy about my kids, on the contrary. They are totally a laugh a minute and sometimes I am just in awe about how these funny people came from me. They are also so very smart that it takes my breath away. And let's not even get into how good looking they are!

It's just that I have been doing a lot of trying to decide what it is that I've actually accomplished.. and I don't really know what it is. I still haven't finished my degree, I have a job that leaves me doing nothing for stretches at a time and I suffer from mild clinical depression as well as migraines and just plain old "blahs". I don't say that lightly... I really have been diagnosed as clinically depressed but the medicines that they hand out for such things have caused me problems on some level or another so that so far they have been more trouble and expense than they are really worth. I do have a handful of really really good friends that I can talk to, and that is SUCH a help, you don't even know.

Anyway the real questions I have are with LOVE... I mean, really, what is love?

Everyone needs to be loved whether they recognize that need or not. People need each other, regardless if its romantic or platonic love, hetero or homo. Joni Mitchell says, "love is touching souls". Which means to me that most relationships can be defined as love. Think about it... your best friend surely touches your soul, right? Your boss (if they're a good one, don't argue petty points when I'm trying to be deep) touches your soul as well... as do any friends, family, acquaintances you hold in high regard, etc. do... So if we follow this argument, that means that people that mean anything to you are loved by you. So we love a lot more than we think.

I don't believe you end up with your soul mate. Well, not necessarily. Some people do, and they are quite lucky if you ask me. I know I could never end up with my soul mate because I already met my soul mate and I didn't "end up" with him. In fact, I know if we were together we would be terribly unhappy because we are too much alike. Yet he is the one that can read my mind and know what is going on inside, sometimes - many times - better than I can interpret myself. And vice versa. And we go for months, once two whole years before we speak to each other again and yet we still know whats going on inside, even if we aren't up to date with the outside happenings.

Anyway, I have some things going on with me and love right now. I am very jealous of couples that seem to be in love all the time... what is the secret? Is there a secret? Or are they just having lots and lots of sex? I'm jealous of that too.

I crave the escape of the Vodka Tonic but unfortunately tonight it is just making me feel sleepy and dull-witted. I leave you with this:

A Case of You
by Joni Mitchell

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Wheres that at?
If you want me Ill be in the bar

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue tv screen light
I drew a map of canada
Oh canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh Id still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
Im frightened by the devil
And Im drawn to those ones that aint afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Color go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed
Oh but you are in my blood youre my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still Id be on my feet
Id still be on my feet