Snippets from "He's Just Not That Into You"

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

[Doing what you say you will] is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. ... Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

In Which I Wax Melancholic and Philosophical About Change

I am taken aback by the power of my sad. I didn't think it would bother me so much, just another thing to get through, and on some level that's still true. But I'm sad because in a way its the end of an era.

So I begin to think (Be Afraid)... and I realize that life is really nothing more than a series of events, good or bad, that need to be either relished or survived.. There is no "end" or "beginning", there is only... "next". We need to accept that which we cannot change and live on with the different, whether we are happy about it or not.

We can't live our lives in the mindset of "when things settle down" or "when we can afford it" or "when I get a chance", or "someday we will", etc. It has to be either "do" or "do not", otherwise the choice to not choose becomes the choice to not do.

How good we can be to each other in the time we are allotted? How polite can we be, how tender can we be to each other while we learn our lessons about ourselves? What happiness can we seize while we can? Because the chance may not come again. Everything changes.

Things change. They always do, it's one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort. (Clint Eastwood said that in Bridges of Madison County.)

It's the oldest story in the world. It's all been said before, by others, by writers, by poets, by gypsies, tramps and thieves.

"I try to believe," she said, "that God doesn't give you more than one little piece of the story at once. You know, the story of your life. Otherwise your heart would crack wider than you could handle. He only cracks it enough so you can still walk, like someone wearing a cast. But you've still got a crack running up your side, big enough for a sapling to grow out of. Only no one sees it. Nobody sees it. Everybody thinks you're one whole piece, and so they treat you maybe not so gentle as they would if they could see that crack."

I so wish we could talk about these things openly. I really did believe...that we would talk about everything honestly, but the opposite has occurred: We're like two people on separate islands, with only tin cans and string as a means of communication.

When I'm with him I don't feel...significant. I want to be everything to him. I want to be essential. I want him to be unable to live without me, but how can I be these things if he won't let me?

If you detect even an inkling of happiness, a tiny glimpse of love, a mere hint of contentment, for heaven's sake grab it and don't let go. Don't ever think twice.

Perhaps head-over-heels in love is an option only available to teenagers, and other people who are fortunate enough never to have had their hearts broken and hardened.

Even if we did see this through, I can't tell you that just because we've met again we're going to be a happy ending and rush off into the sunset. It would mean starting from scratch and seeing how it goes.

You're a cynical, exploitive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit.

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

"Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting!"
"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing."
"So what?"
"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."
"What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt."
"Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?"

...

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close
not even a little bit
not even at all.